Your True Desires and Soul Essence (plus a raw story)

by yiye

Post image for Your True Desires and Soul Essence (plus a raw story)

“An integral being knows without going, sees without looking, and accomplishes without doing”-Lao Tzu (tweet this)

Abundance & the power of your true desires

As I am writing to you, summer is about to end here in London. I couldn’t help but gaze outside my office at the apple tree and roses in the garden. They are so full of life, glory and vitality.

There are no season expresses or represents Abundance better than autumn, the harvesting time of the year.

Our Mother Earth always sets  the best example of manifestation, talking about which, some of you asked me how I manifested the all-expenses-covered healing trip to the Peak District a couple of months ago and how I got the exact details right for the healing purpose without micro-managing it.

Well, firstly, I didn’t get in my own way, I guess. I was at the point that I knew that I must heal myself further, otherwise, my daily life, my creativity, my business, would have all been affected adversely. And I didn’t want to leave everything until it was too late.

At times, it is a lot easier to ALLOW the Universe to arrange on your behalf. Your soul is communicating constantly with the Universe, it is just often that we block ourselves by daily dramas and the mundane.

My decision of putting my desires first got rewarded. Not only the healing trip with the perfect detail came along, I also made Money from that trip.

Trust that Money is there for you, Abundance is there for you. Leap towards that faith and follow your true desires.

My life, my relationships and my wellbeing all depend on my capacity to heal. That was my true desire.

I stayed at one with that desire.

When it comes to attracting Money and Abundance, you need to feel inspired to attract them, but not desperate.

You need to feel enthusiastic, but not to an extent that you are too excited nor too anxious.

You need to own the responsibility of getting your desires met but not being attached with any specific outcome.

You need to work on your intuitive muscle and get the balance right for YOU.

To give you another recent example, a few weeks ago, I called my spa for an afternoon pamper. I used to be able to get unlimited free access to their exotic herbal steam room, as part of my membership package.

However, they changed their policies lately, this benefit has been restricted. So this time I was not entitled to it.

I was very disappointed at the beginning, as their herbal steam room was such an attraction to me. Every time when I left my worries, trepidation and anxiety outside the door and embraced the exotic sensation, it felt like lying right next to a waterfall near Amazon gathering my lost pieces of Soul.

I told the staff on the phone that I respect their business decision but I was really surprised that nobody informed me. I insisted if they could make an exception on that ground, but they firmly stuck with their decision although they apologised for their lack of communication. I didn’t get particularly angry or upset with them. Things do change, I understand.

However, I’m still strongly pulled to experience rejuvenating herbal steam sessions just like that.

I started searching online and see if there are any similar spas – looks like there were a few potential places offering better deals.

It made sense to cancel my session with the spa.

I picked up my phone, right at that nano second my phone also rang. It was Thai Square. The same staff greeted me again extra joyously, “Ms Yiyi (unfornately that’s how many people call my name), I just checked our records, you are such a loyal customer, we want to keep providing the services you need. We’d love to continue gifting you the steam sessions providing you book a few days in advance. But today as our goodwill gesture, you’ll get your session anyway!”

Feel Good, relaxation


Focus on your desires, stay detached, trust and stay at one with your desire, keep taking action moving towards your desire, that’s it!

Getting some free treatment or all-expense-covered trips might sound like small things, but you can practise small things like this, grow your manifesting capacity and abundance muscle, and watch how your joy can be amplified.

Using the same mindset and principle, I also manifested a massive discount for learning martial arts this year without even forcing it.

Every time you say Yes to yourself, the Universe is right here to reward you (tweet this)

But why can’t we just feel abundant all the time? How can I feel at one with my Desires, Abundance and Money like the way you do, you might ask.

Let’s dig deeper…


Your self-worth = root of Abundance

Whenever you experience the separation with your true desires, you hit a self-worth block.

Do you believe that you are worthy? Not when someday you become such and such, or have attained this or that.

But right at this moment? Perhaps without make-up, without a mansion, without a medal, without a certification in xyz, without a loving partner, without a perfect childhood, without a waiting list of clients, without a desirable audience…

Can you still feel that what a magnificent and precious and gorgeous and powerful being you are?

Take a deep breath.

Can you feel it?

If not, then Money, ideal clients, hot dates, 100+ comments, head-over-heel butterflies will not make you feel it sustainably either.

It can be f^cking hard, especially during your transformation.

I certainly struggled with it in the past-quite-a-few months.



Dark nights of the soul, when positivity is overrated

I hesitated putting this section up, but I must honour my truth, as well as your trust. You sign  up to my newsletter or visit my website to learn how Money & Abundance really works, not for some for temporary bandage which might look glamours on the surface only to disguise the real pains and wounds underneath.

So, here we go.

My online business has grown so quickly since I started blogging just 2 years ago. I’m so grateful for connecting with all the wonderful readers, customers, clients, friends, and more importantly, I’m gradually building this community with your help.

At the same time, as a multi-passionate person, it looked like that I managed to find my sweet spot without being all over the place.

I was enjoying owning my expertise. Business started to flourish. I also had spare time to write, dance and simply do nothing.

Life seemed so good.

And it immediately had an U turn.

Some of you knew that I had a few nasty experiences when I grew up, at 6, 9 and 11-12 to pin them down. I won’t bore you with too many details, but they involve nearly being raped, nearly being kidnapped, and being set up to fall into some mental trap by a few school girls which led almost the entire school to hate me and called me names for at least one year, and I loathed myself for not standing on my own feet for the next eight years.

For a very time long, I felt that I’m the one who was sinful, dirty, full of flaws and whenever there were conflicts I firmly believed that it was definitely because there was something wrong with me. Being apologetic was my first nature.

I had my coping mechanism back then.

Ignore what happened and run away from those wounds.

I flew across half of the world and started anew.

Apparently it had worked for the past 13 years.

Until I wanted to grow my business to the next level. PTSD got triggered.

Boy, I felt so stuck.

I started developing stress symptoms that I never experienced before. Nightmares, flashbacks, shivering in the middle of the night, an immense amount of self-doubt poured out.

What the f^ck was going on? Every minute I questioned myself.

The indecisive, insecure and extremely apologetic side of me kept showing up.

I felt plain disconnected.

My Soul has the perfect plan and inner-knowing, “this is just a process that you need to go through”. However, my younger self felt so hard to trust and embrace the changes.

Part of me knew that being more visible would be good for my Soul, yet many other parts of me screamed with desperation: “NO NO NO, we are not going there with you”.

Almost every day I felt so exhausted due to the internal conflicts. It took so much out of me just simply by being, er… me.

Holy cr@p!

I was so hard to make peace with the internal conflicts. My initial reaction was to, as you might guess it, run away again, to another part of the world, perhaps Mexico this time.

Or find some quick short-cuts to remove all those energetic blockages within me, without committing to look into the wounding and dark nights.

I tried, but I was reluctant to follow through – the above options felt “off” and didn’t really serve the purpose of my new lesson.

I felt weak, lost, and a total failure.

Things were so bad that I had to learn and self-teach all the PTSD remedies. (For the record, I’m almost an expert now.)

It was a tricky balance.

On one hand, you must be as gentle as possible with your wounded parts. Go to the “dark places” in you, without which, healing won’t be effective. Be compassionate towards your darkness and shadows. Many of us practise unconditional love for others, yet fail to have compassion towards the Self.

On the other hand, you need to cultivate your strengths, power and presence. Reconnect with your essence, otherwise you are forever living in the past and letting your old patterns control you.

I took myself on #AbundanceDate and #EssenceDate as often as possible (more about this in the next section). And I threw myself into learning boxing and martial arts. My wounded selves started to trust more and calm down…

Inch by inch, a more evolved version of the Self started to emerge.

In the meantime, a good Money & Abundance relationship also made things a lot easier than otherwise – I knew that Money & Abundance is always here for me, so I absolutely refused to work on projects that are not in alignment. In paradox, once you keep saying “No” to things that don’t inspire you, you always have room in life to receive true blessings to your deepest desires. My business did NOT grow in a way I thought it SHOULD have, which freaked me out big time initially, but it is growing its own arms and legs in a much more organic and powerful way, much better and more sustainable than I forced it to be at first.

I have a FREE teleclass for you to activate your Money & Abundance Magnet (on 15 Sep). If you are already in my mailing list, you do NOT need to sign up again, but if you want to invite your friends to benefit from this pitch-free, educational-focused learning opportunity, please pass this link to them.

For those of you who feel that you are being so challenged this year. Let me assure you: being spiritual doesn’t mean that you have to feel peaceful all the time. Quite often, you are challenged and you just feel disconnected or even hopeless. To an extent that you had no choice but to look deep into my own issues.

I few weeks ago I talked to my dear teacher Sonia Choquette.  She congratulated me:

“People who decide to become a real help to others all go through this stage. Instead of treating it like defeat, congratulate yourself, wow, now you are ready to deal with them.

Your PTSD only pops up when you are strong enough to resolve them at a deeper level. This is the year of PTSD for you. Expect some deep healing so that you can be a real help for people, not just a bandage.”

Sonia has always been a wonderful teacher and great role model for me. Her words touched me deeply and from then on it was much easier for me to see the bigger picture, and totally relax into my own process.

“Screw it. Well, it’s the year of my PTSD anyway, I might as well enjoy the process!”

make peace with PTSD

Our inner work will never be done. Just come back to the process and keep it going. You will always be invited to look at your foundation, over and over again.

And that’s also when the real fun actually begins.

For example, I’m way more comfortable with myself now, with my communication style, voice, image, body, message, and my own “history” and “messiness”.

I’m not totally recovered yet, I don’t know when I will be – to be frank, I don’t particularly care about the timeline right now.

Because it is such a relief for me to say that I’ve made peace with this huddle. I love myself enough not to feel sorry for me anymore.

Looking back, I don’t want any part to be even a nanometre different.

And I’m not late for anything. Me and my Soul, we are right on schedule.

If you have a friend/family member is going through something similar, please forward this article to him/her. Together, we can make things easier for the ones you care about.


Have a date with Abundance, your Desire and your Essence no matter what

Honour every part of you, make a commitment to know your Essence. That’s the secret of attracting abundance no matter what, even if you feel as sh*t as I did, we can still live a rich, meaningful and wonder-filled life.

I’ve had way too many “oh I really don’t want to do it, I just can’t do it” days in last few months, more than the past 10 years combined. As much as I respect my own feelings, it doesn’t mean that I should run away from my biz and soul evolution.

If you are going through one of those days, here are some tips for you:

1. Really give yourself time and space and understand what exactly you want. And give yourself what you want and need.

2. Make a commitment to yourself that you want to heal and see the bigger picture.

3. Reconnect with your Soul Essence daily, if not hourly.

4. At times if you struggle to feel that essence in yourself, you can pray and find that quality in nature, and allow it to reflect back to you.

Here is a suggested process & some pictures that capture a particular Essence in you. Your soul Essence is way bigger and more varied than the examples, please do not be limited by the examples. The photos were all taken through daily life, to inspire you to capture your own greatness even through the mundane.  Thanks to my dear mentor Hiro Boga and her legendary Be Your Own Business Adviser course to guide me and inspire me. If you are not in Hiro’s world yet, I highly recommend you to check out all the free resources on her site (disclaimer: NOT an affiliate link – I’m sharing it out of pure joy and gratitude)

You are more than welcome to leave a comment below, let us know which Essence you feel called at the moment, and I’ll include you to my prayers this week.

A simple process to help you get started:


Take a few deep breath.

Quieten your mind.

Listen to your body, in which way s/he feels the lack right at the moment?

Be honest with this voice.

Sit with that voice for awhile.

Then ask yourself from a clear state, “which Essence of yourself, which you have forgotten about, wants to reconnect with you at this moment?”

Call in every single past life of yourself, together, reclaim this Essence, and let it be activated within your body.



abundance, Feel Good attunement, Feel Good beauty, Feel Good connection, manifest delight, manifest desire, manifest ease, law of attraction flow, law of attraction freedom, law of attraction fruition, law of attraction healing, law of attraction hope, law of attraction law of attraction Money, law of attraction opportunity, law of attraction peace, law of attraction power, law of attraction Spaciousness, law of attraction
Strength, law of attraction
wonder, law of attraction

Action points for you:

1. Dedicate time for yourself today to reconnect with your Essence, be curious with which Essence is calling you. Leave a comment below, and I’ll add you to my sacred prayers this week.

2. If you know any spiritual entrepreneurs who are going through a challenging time and if you think this article might help them, please do share it on. Together, we can bring more healing into the beautiful world.

If you feel called to heal your self-worth more, visit my DIGITAL ABUNDANCE SHOP  (the offering will change and the price point will increase after 1 Jan 2015, in light of the EU VAT legislation)

Spiritual entrepreneurs, law of attraction, manifest money, Yiye Zhang, money love

Thank you for being part of my life!

Love & Abundance,

law of attraction


{ 18 comments… read them below or add one }

Sarah Jordan

Yiye, thanks for sharing your story. You are very inspiring inspiring. I think you are totally right about this being the year of PTSD….I recently had my own mini breakdown about having to start my business all over again in a new place. My soul’s wishis to connect with many schools and talent agencies in San Diego where I live now.



Hey Sarah, thanks for sharing your insight and story!
A prayer for Connection and Ease has been created for you. Whenever you are ready, you can claim it by simply using your pure intention.
Archangel Jophiel is also here with you to shower your Spirit with beauty in all forms.
Also, you can connect with the Essence of San Diego and the schools there, connect with the subtle energy can bring more synchronicities and miracles.

With all my love,


Claire Wade

This is hugely reassuring, I’m going through a very similar experience. Deep pain from my childhood is coming up and I’m feeling really helpless/hopeless, so it’s reassuring that this will pass. I’ve been blocking everything – money, love, abundance, success, health, energy. I think out of fear of getting hurt, because I’m already so deeply hurt but I haven’t acknowledged this until this weekend. It’s time to heal that.

I loved all the Essence pictures; but was specifically drawn to the one of light.

Thank you for sharing this.



Hey Claire,

A prayer for Light and Flow has been set up for you. Whenever you are ready, you can claim it by using your pure intention. Enjoy!

Thanks for sharing your words with honesty, it makes a difference in our community.

With all my love,



Hello Yiye! Thanks for writing this article. I really admire your work!
I am feeling called by the essence of rest and calm.
Thanks for adding me to your prayers, I’ll certainly add you to mine as well. 🙂



Hey Rachel,

A prayer of Peace, Healing and Wholeness has been created for you. Whenever you are ready, you can claim it by using your pure intention.

Thank you SO MUCH for your prayer, I really appreciate that!

With all my love,



I love your passion and raw honesty. You are an inspiring authentic being of light and I honour your process. I too have experienced many challenges this year, turning to my wounded self with love, and I couldn’t help but laugh and cry as I read your article. The light shines through even the darkest experiences when we are courageously loving and true to ourselves – which you are. Thank you for sharing 🙂



Hey Emma,

Thank you so much and I’m grateful for your kind words!

I’m inspired to have created a prayer of Delight and Guidance for you. Whenever you are ready, feel free to enjoy it!

with all my love,


Ana Goncalves

Thank you for sharing your vulnerability and truth with us, Yiye. Each experience is truly a blessing to get back in touch with our Soul, and who we really are. I love you sweet sister, and thank you for the invitation to your talk. I will be there.

It feels like we have a lot in common, from what we have experienced and our own manifestation journeys. I would love to work with you in some way.

I used to live in London, if I had known you lived there we would have surely met up.

I have come from a similar place to what you have experienced (raped, abused and bullied) and I understand how you feel and it feels like divine timing that this came up for you now, to be able to fully release it and step into your power.

Like you, I have also manifested exactly what I want always in my heart, from my partner, to trips, concerts, money etc… and I vouch for everything that you say as the same has happened for me.

Much love to you xx



Hi Ana,

Thanks so much for your kind words and beautiful support since we connected! Whenever you are back in London, for sure, just give me a shout!

And thanks so much for sharing your stories and heart with us, we are certainly graced and blessed by your gorgeous Essence. What an honour to have you on the call in 2 weeks!

I’m inspired to have created a prayer of Gifts, Power and Voice for you, whenever you are ready, feel free to claim & enjoy!

With all my love,
Yiye xo



Dear Yiye,
What a beautiful article, thank you so much for sharing your story. I’m in a similar place right now, feeling lots of resistance when I am just about to launch my new business. I am feeling a need of Connection and Healing. Thank you so much for including me in your prayer.
I enjoy each one of your articles so much, they always give me answers and insights I need, at the right moment 🙂
Have a wonderful week



Oh Melanie, you are so welcome. I am happy that the articles can help!

A prayer for Connection, Healing, and Birth (in light of your new business venture) has been created for you. Whenever you are ready, just claim and enjoy!

You also have a few Helper Guides here with you eagerly arrange things on your behalf behind the scene. Enjoy!

With all my love,



I’m so glad I made the time to read this (when your email arrived the other day, I was a little rushed, so I decided to save it for today). Thank you so much for sharing your story, Yiye, I know there are so many people going through Dark Nights of the Soul, and it is immensely comforting to read someone else’s experience – especially if it’s shared with so much honesty and love.

I’ve just come through one of them myself, and it took me years to complete and come out the other side, but I did manage to enjoy the journey and I’m SO HAPPY I did it! I’m sure it won’t have been the last time either – a wise man once told me that evolvement moves in an outwards spiral, so we do return to a similar point over and over, but each time it’s from a different, higher level of understanding and consciousness.

Just about everything in this post is so very relevant. Again, I’m glad I took the time 🙂 Thank you!!

Much love and blessings,



Dear Sibylle, I really LOVE what you said about “return to a similar point over and over but each time it’s from a different, higher level.”
I must admit that initially I was all freaked out “oh not again” this type of mentality, but like yourself once we managed to ease into the process, everything is fine, and actually better.

Thank you so much for taking your time to read this article.

I’m inspired to have created a prayer of Leadership, Presence and Authenticity for you, whenever you are ready, enjoy!

With all my love,



What a great story, and thank you so much for sharing your vulnerability in your stories. This is EXACTLY what we are talking about in my group today on the Soul Journey through the Spiral of Ascension. How to acknowledge the Dark Nights of the Soul without getting lost in them.

It’s critical to be honest with yourself about where you’ve been so that you can continue to ascend to your best life!



Thank you SO MUCH Amethyst! For sharing your insights and ascension event!

I am sending your prayer of Unity for the online garthering for your community, may everyone find the comfort, healing and understanding from each other.

All my love




Thank you so much for your beautiful article Yiye, and I’m surprised how similar our stories are (especially the childhood part)!
I’d never known the *dark* until three years ago. I truly didn’t know it. I didn’t even know the existence of it in my own being. I could not believe it, I could not accept it. Thus started my journey, and thus I’ve found you.
I went through the dark night of the soul. Many nights indeed. All alone. Glad internet exists, and glad there are people who offer web-based classes like you. I’d never survived them otherwise.
And slowly yet steadily I’ve been healed. Finally I can see the Hope now. The glimpse of Joy even 🙂

I’m still working on your First Aid Kit, very slowly, yet I’m starting to observe some joyous shifts in my situation. I’ll keep informing you how my journey goes with the kit.

Thanks so much for your precious work Yiye, and I’m truly glad I’ve found you 😀



Isn’t internet wonderful?! Thanks for sharing your stories Christine.
A paryer of Hope and Joy has been created for you, whenever you are ready, enjoy!

With all my love,


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