This Myth On Giving Can Stop You From Receiving: 4 Steps To Break The Flawed Giving-Receiving Cycle

None of us is an isolated person. We and the wider community exchange time, energy and resources.

We give our attention and skills, and we’ll get a reward to reflect that contribution. Ideally.

However, sometimes, reality looks different.

I saw the following questions many times in the past few years.


“I want to quit my mastermind FB groups. Some people get a lot of clients from those groups but I am not, despite the fact that I’m giving a lot. I answer questions in my community regularly, I share and comment others’ posts and events. But very little is coming back. I’m tired of this imbalance….”

“I love my boyfriend so much. I support him his big dreams and I even cover his bills when things get tough, I thought surely the more you give, the more you receive, I’m doing everything in line with law of attraction, but I’m still broke!”

“I create a lot of valuable content for my audience. I sacrifice my leisure time to write how-to articles with full commitment. But I still don’t have consistent clients and people rarely share or comment on my work.”


Are you suffering from Abundance Stagnation? You give, give and give, you completely exhaust yourself but you are nowhere near where you wanna be?

You faithfully devote your attention, energy and focus on certain activities, expecting to receive the something in return…

Except it is just not happening.

If this is you, I hear your discontentment, but this is not your fault – you probably haven’t been taught the giving-receiving metaphysical art constructively.

In this article, I’m going to help you break off from the frustrating & ineffective paradigm.

Let’s get straight into this:

As metaphysician Carole Dore pointed out, Society’s norm of “give to others, then you can receive something IN RETURN” is fundamentally flawed.

You might faithfully give your attention, energy and focus on certain activities, expecting to receive the same thing (or something else) in return…

True, how our Universe works is that we must give first, then we can receive; we outflow first before we can attract inflow.

But we must give to ourselves first and foremost, before we give to others.

A healthy giving-receiving cycle involves 4 essential stages (see below), but many people jump into:

“I’ll paint your nails if you brush my hair.”
“I will do this for her even if I don’t feel like it, but by doing so I’m expecting good karma coming back.”
“I’ll have sex with you, if you take me to my favourite destination for vacation.” (kidding – actually not. You get the idea!)

Big NO NO.

This formula looks effective on the surface but is likely to backfire if you are not careful.

How To Attract Abundance Naturally

When you do give to people, let it be delightfully unexpected, classily detached, and really mean it.

It is not “sacrificing”. And there are no strings-attached.

You see, a true giving-receiving is completely free from co-dependency. It is a pure high vibrational flow. (tweet this)

Here are 4 simple steps to create a healthier cycle and renew your energy system, (finally!)

1. Give something to yourself first;

Be brutally honest:

“The motivation for me to give, is it JUST BECAUSE? Or do I want something back?”

If the latter, the truth is that some aspects of you have been neglected and are crying for your attention. Pause, reflect, adjust. Take care of this aspect of YOU first.

Please don’t judge yourself – you need what you need.

Even if you are not able to fulfil your needs yet due to responsibilities or obligations, take a moment to acknowledge them and promise yourself that you’ll get to them as soon as you can.

Otherwise, at this stage, the more you give to others, the more deficiency you will create for yourself, which can lead to more resentment and imbalance down the road.

It doesn’t matter if it is five minutes of quiet time spent on recharging, $10 on ingredients for a healthy meal, or your boundary lovingly communicated, the gesture is priceless.

You are signalling your subconscious that you are worthy in your own life.

To translate this concept into your day to day living as a creative business owner, here are some examples:

:: For everything you want to offer and give to your clients, give the same level of care and support towards yourself as well. This way, you will keep burnout, resentment, unfair projection or frustrating staleness at bay.

:: Always give value and do it from a full cup. Write/play/create for yourself first before you do it for the wider community. It’s much more fulfilling to outflow your creative juice naturally.

:: Genuinely appreciate the effort you put into your work, even if your product flops this time – it doesn’t mean that your hard work is wasted. Everything and anything you learn throughout the process will come back and serve your business better in one way or another.

Some of us suffer from self-shaming, if this is the case for you, practise more on self-compassion, honour your own gifts, let yourself to be witnessed, healed and empowered.

If you need further help, “borrow” someone else’s presence. Talk to a wise elder in your family who loves you dearly, or find inspiration or role models from literature or biographies. Soak yourself into the frequency of Love, which can tremendously shake off old and outworn baggage.

2. Allow yourself to receive Abundance, from you;

This step might sound too obvious to even pay attention to, which contributes to the reason that when people finally get on the well deserved vacation they couldn’t enjoy the scenery fully but glue their eyes on the social media accounts still; that they’ve successfully raised half of the required funding but they deem the project a failure instead of coming up with other ways to get the rest of the financing; that they couldn’t unwind or relax on a day off but let anxiety take over.

True Abundance comes in many forms: inspiration, support, recharge, a 50% achieved goal (yet), a time and space to disconnect from stress… However, many of us let Abundance pass by because we dismiss the opportunities to receive.

We sabotage ourselves during the journey and wonder why we are not progressing well.

Whatever calls your heart: an experience, joyful feeling of being well paid, connection with fellow human being, a mini-break, a slower paced living…your Higher Self knows and wants to give it to you.

Make a commitment to trust that you are provided by your Higher Self.

Receive the love from you to you. No, this is not self-indulgence, but showing gratitude towards life.

An awareness like this alone can shift your perception and energy drastically. 

In Classical Chinese Medicine, Abundance is the energy of the Earth Element. The Earth Element is akin to the motherly unconditional love, which is vital to our growth, wellbeing, health, strength and stability. Abundance means such vital energy going around.

Just think about the very best experiences you’ve ever had. Were you simply showing up in the right place at the right time? Or were you beating yourself up, topping it up with harsh inner-criticism?

People often overlook the importance of steps 1 & 2, therefore put a lot of hope or even pressure on others to make their lives better. Sadly the higher the hope is, usually the bigger the disappointments are.

Don’t fall into this trap. Instead, make a ritual to immerse into steps 1 & 2. They are crucial to unlock your inner magnet.  They are the foundation of the alchemy which opens up opportunities, expands your perceptions and transforms mundane into Abundance. So that you’ll gain capacity to become self-ful, then in turn to be in a position to spread the fullness.

3. Become an Abundance Ambassador.

Now you are in a wonderful place to give out to the Universe.

Be generous and creative.

Be wild and surprising.

We might have various possessions, but truly we own nothing. We are Abundance ambassadors – the custodians – who can pass bounty and richness on.

Do voluntary work. Give extra tips. Donate to food banks regularly. Offer a helping hand to your neighbours. Write a song for your loved ones. Go extra miles to deliver excellence for your project. Make tea for someone who is irritated in your office. Offer boatloads of value for your community…

Meanwhile following the previous steps, you should feel relatively detached whatever you decide to give, whomever you are giving to.

You can even challenge yourself a little. Give something that you normally wouldn’t do. This way, not only will you enjoy Abundance in a more rounded way, but also your new action will ignite fresh energy.

For instance, if you are someone who usually gives Money to your loved ones and find it difficult to spend quality time with them, then give your time for a change.

Alternatively, if you often have no trouble sharing your time or presence with others but are afraid of giving Money due to irrational fear, then treat your friends to a meal/vacation or donate an amount that you can afford to those who are in need.

You can also think outside of the box to make someone’s day.

When I started out my online business, my budget was tight, so I went on a number of free webinars. For those ones I really enjoyed and found useful, I was very grateful for their support and help even months after the call. As my business grew, I went back and sent them donations and gave them praise and testimonials.

They all told me that they were beyond surprised and delighted. By making their days, I was also making mine.

There is sacredness in the random act of kindness you offer to others, without any strings attached or tightly grabbed “you owe me” feeling.

develop a healthy give-receive dynamic

Whatever you want to grasp, try to give it away.

Now if we take a look at the examples at the beginning of this article:

:: you pop into those FB groups sometimes answering questions, not because you have to or you must get clients from doing it, but you can and you want to;

:: while investing a lot into your relationship, you are also dedicated to your own dreams and taking care of your own needs;

:: creating content no longer feels like “sacrificing your time” but you purely love it…

This is a much more relaxed and free flowing place to be. Abundance naturally outflows to your environment and the Universe. Abundance is you and you are Abundance.

This leads to…

4. Let the love in and accept the bounty.

Everything you’ve practised so far will steer you clear of co-dependency.

Giving and receiving should be effortless.

If receiving is an area which you struggle with,  gently and consistently remind your subconscious mind that receiving is just as important as giving; that there is nothing noble of rejecting a genuine gift or loving gesture from someone who cares about you; that if you block yourself from receiving, you are denying the magnitude of human experiences.

Whatever you’ve offered to the world: be it joy, compassion, understanding, financial generosity… will come back to you.

Allow yourself to receive from the Universe in one way or another.

Get out of your own way. Be open-minded. Let go of any rigid expectations and carry on being detached.

What is the best for us often is beyond our imagination. Unfortunately many people give up too early. They slip back to the “world owes me”
mentality, not seeing that what lies ahead could be tailor-made just for them.

Practise mindfulness so that you won’t miss all the goodies sent your way. Count them and bless them.

I simply love getting emails from clients sharing their wins: “Guess what? I got the new clients that I wanted to work with. It’s so unexpected, how wonderful!” “I let go of my expectations of getting things in return and I gave value just because and enjoyed the process as you suggested, guess what? It happened! All my new clients chose my highest offering! It’s so out of the blue and made me really happy.”

Is it really “out of the blue”? Well, when you fiercely initiate the Abundance flow, it is Universe’s nature to give back to you. You can trust this cycle, like gravity, like harvesting, like one plus one equals two.

Stay detached. Remember: what’s yours cannot pass you by.

I’ve seen miracles happen to the “lucky” ones and the “broken” ones; the “seasoned” ones and the “newbies”; the “logical” ones and the “woo-woo” ones. You are not an exception either.

Wild Abundance to you
This is an except of my Money Love Playbook, which is part of the Money First Aid Kit.
law of attraction, business coach
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21 thoughts on “This Myth On Giving Can Stop You From Receiving: 4 Steps To Break The Flawed Giving-Receiving Cycle

  1. Excellent brief and this article helped me alot. Say thank you I looking for your information.

  2. Thanks a lot Yiye! Your article and sound advice is helping me come back to my center today!

  3. Thank You Yiye

    It’s a blessing to have came across your article, You just turned my weakness into strength.

    May the Lord bless you.

    I’m Truly Thankful.

  4. I remember this article, as it really helped me a few years ago! Now, it is still a great reminder – thank you thank you!

  5. Thank you so much for sharing this beautiful post. I happened to find this today – on a day where I felt absolutely exhausted and on the edge of the giving up cliff. Your words brought me back to safety. I bookmarked this on my phone’s home screen and tweeted it out. I know that this post is abundance in and of itself. Again, from my heart, thank you.

    1. Hey Diana, thank YOU SO MUCH!! It must be really tough and you are so courageous, kind and beautiful! Thanks for your heartfelt comment & tweets, and much more importantly for not giving up. Big hug to you and please know that you can always write to me – I mean it! Sending you much and much love xoxoxo

  6. Beautiful article Yiye ! I have met many people who think this way.
    I’ve seen many go from one belief system to the next.
    Most often this is due to issues over money.
    They go into a spiritual practice expecting financial gain.
    When it doesn’t happen they give up.
    Many actually stop meditating for this reason !
    I wish you a very blessed vacation !
    Enjoy ! Love to you !

    1. Hey Cynthia! Oh yes, thanks a lot for pointing it out! It’s very damaging to use spiritual practice or meditation as a way to bypass any real work that we must do/face! Your wise words, kind encouragement and beautiful essence is much much appreciated!! Love to you too!!! xoxoxo

  7. This was lovely and timely Yiye, thank you. Time to relax a bit and give to myself a bit more before moving forward. Thank you!

    1. Hi Amberlee, so lovely to hear from you! Enjoy this sacred relaxing and reflection time. Send you lots of love!

  8. Yiye,

    Your newsletters and blog posts always come to me at the perfect time. I really needed to see this advice! Thank you so much <3

  9. Beautifully written and on the spot! Even when we know all 4 steps, sometimes we forget and push push push, instead of retreating inward and focusing on ourself.

    Thank you Yiye for your wonderful articles.

    Amelie

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