“Hi Yiye, I really enjoy your work and right now I have a big question. Your advice will be really appreciated! I’ve been pouring my heart and soul into my blog for years. I recently developed paid products and services (I am a person too and I’ve got bills to be paid!). But my audience reacted badly to it. One person even said that I betrayed them. I can’t help but feel ashamed. I’m losing confidence, I even start doubting if I made the right move. How would you deal with a situation like this?”
– Celina
Dear Celina and everyone who shares a similar trouble,
When I was 13 and 14, I played basketball, a lot. It was one of very few ways to get some temporary peace from endless (ranked) exams and homework, so I played it religiously with a few other pupils. One of them became a close friend.
One spring afternoon, under the clear blue sky, she proposed a pact: we’d play basketball together, like forever…I said, “YES, OF COURSE!”
I thought what she meant was: we’d get together and play, every now and then, as long as it is practical for us both.
Then summer came, it was time for us to choose high schools. She fell in love with basketball for real and went to a specialised sports school. Me? I chose an academic path.
I missed her. I wrote to her a few times, but sadly no reply. I also bumped into her once during the Lantern Festival, where everyone came out to watch fireworks at night, but she didn’t even acknowledge me.
I was left confused and hurt. But I was too proud to ask her what it was going on, why she was upset and if I could do something about it.
And just like that, our friendship had been frozen for three years.
Until she heard about my news of leaving to England. She picked up the phone and called me, it was awkward silence to start with.
Luckily we both had a place in each other’s heart, gradually the conversation flew. In the end, we concluded with so much joy and even more relief, “Let’s play another game before I leave!”
After that game, she said sorry for acting childishly and told me that my friendship meant a lot to her as she rarely opened up to anyone except me, but I let her down by ditching our pact and going to another school…
“Oh….that was what that pact meant! It all made sense now…I’m so sorry too!” We laughed at our silliness.
Guess what I am trying to say here is: sometimes it is no one’s fault. Just that we thought that we were being clear but we could have been a lot clearer.
And this lesson is not limited to 13 or 14 year olds.
Our situation changes. Our needs change. We are forever changing and that’s the one thing that doesn’t change.
During the changing phase, there are challenges, such as:
: no matter how clear we think we are, it takes time for things to settle and be crystal clear again for everyone;
: everyone who is involved can get a little insecure and act from a place of lack, understandably;
: when money is part of the picture, it can trigger a lot of emotional “stuff”, thus many hidden stories will for sure be revealed.
As you have already seen, Celina.
To iron the kinks out, here are a few suggestions.
1. Before you look externally, how do you feel about this move regardless? Do you feel a little “insecure or shameful” even without any criticism anyway?
I remember when I got my first media interview for my newly formed online business, my very first subconscious reaction, together with the excitement was, “Oh cr@p, my ego must have gone wild, who am I to have a website? And to invite people to read my writing?!…”
Guess what happened? 24 hours later, this was what someone told me, “Your ego must have gone wild, or why would you blog?”
It took me a truckload of inner-work to detach from this ego trap, to trust my inner-voice,and to show up to the interview and talk about what I do & why I do it from a place of service and peace.
It is often not easy to detect what is holding us back, but when someone else criticised me, it became more obvious what it was!
Sure, I was bothered by that intrusive comment, but the truth underneath? I was my own saboteur. That person merely mirrored my very own subconscious belief.
Every time when we are about to grow and step up, subconsciously we sabotage ourselves: “you are not good enough, you are not worthy, ohhhh people will hate this”. Just that this part is normally well hidden.
If the world that we live in is totally black and white, and we know exactly what our thoughts are transparently, ie, the concept of unconscious/subconscious don’t even exist, all you need to do is to read The Secret. Then job done, you’ll be rich, happy and healthy by yesterday.
But we all know that this is not the case.
It’s not so easy to figure our own underlying blocks, but they will be reflected through others.
Guaranteed.
It is a great opportunity to reflect (“Oh, No, not another one!” – I can hear some people. But really, be compassionate towards your underlying stories. Detect any unwitnessed wounds from your inner child. If any fast-track for enlightenment and growth exists, this will be it).
So, go and explore your stories around money and self-worth:
: How do you feel about being a heart-based business owner? What is your underlying feeling towards money anyway?
: Where do you still not feel worthy? And how can you change it from the inside out?
: Are there any past situations that you need to forgive? What old beliefs are not serving you anymore and must be released?
: Are you still held back by those limited beliefs that society has imposed upon you, such as:”I’ll never be happy and well paid, no matter how hard I try”, “I don’t deserve to be financially free”, or “It will never work out…”
Conventionally, we are taught that freedom and spiritual wealth is mutually exclusive from financial wealth. But this is NOT true…
Money doesn’t change who you are.
If you are already a generous and helpful person, having more money can make you even more generous and helpful to even more people.
On the other hand, if you inherently have a lack mindset, then it doesn’t matter how much money in the bank, it won’t make you feel safe.
Instead of taking a hard look at our underlying thoughts and pattern, society blames money – well, it’s easier to blame something else, isn’t it? It’s just that…this does not solve your problem.
How do you solve the problem then?
“Go back to the doer to undo what it is done…” ie, go back to your subconscious self, and reprogram it. (Want help? I’ve made this course to make your life easier).
2. Make your all communications as open and upfront as possible.
Often, it is not about what you communicate but how you communicate it.
Be very clear what you want to do with your blog from now on: it’s part of your business.
i) Let the new readers know that you are running a business, be open and upfront, such as:
: Make sure your products and services pages/menus are visible – you don’t need to bombard people with your offerings all the time (not recommended anyway), but do let them know that you are available for hire.
: When you are giving away free content, mention that this is a complimentary preview of my XYZ.
: Start saying to NO to “pick-your-brain” or barter requests. A professional service means a professional service.
: Go pro with the nuts and bolts – use an email address with your domain, give yourself a job title (you can always change it later), gather some reviews and testimonials from people working with you…
ii) Also, give your existing readers plenty of time to adjust the change (it usually takes longer than you want, but your patience will be rewarded).
For example, for those who complained about your change, acknowledge their feeling and honesty, let them know the “why” behind the change (when you can better support yourself financially, the more value you can provide for them).
iii) Focus on carrying on providing value for your community – this goes without saying.
For those who are meant to be part of your community, they’ll stick around. For others, their needs will be better met elsewhere.
Make sure the entire process is acted out of love, mutual respect and compassion.
3. Do realise that you are not alone.
Many creative and spiritual freelancers, business owners and artists have gone through a similar agonising phase.
It’s perfectly normal to feel ashamed when others judge you.
But you are called to step up. The time is now.
To grow, to be more you. Some people might not like that (temporarily), for whatever reason. And here is the truth: you are not for everybody.
The more intense your growth is, the more shaky things might look on the surface.
However, as long as you are staying true to yourself, it will all work out eventually.
Sometimes things fall apart, so that they can fall better together again, to be more solid and aligned to who you are.
Trust your vision. You are not alone.
And whenever in doubt, smile.
Love & Abundance,
Yiye Zhang,
Intuitive & Abundance Guide,
I decode the mysteries of your soul & simplify your path your abundance.
This is a Q&A article from my “You Asked, I Listened” column. I value my community – if you want to submit your question, here is how.
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Thanks for another very insightful and heartfelt article! I have been experiencing similar problems myself and this has helped me get a clearer perspective and feel more at ease.
I’ve also written “Whenever in doubt, smile” on a sticky and put it on the fridge, it’s a great affirmation!
Oh I am so happy to hear that it helped, Amanda! 🙂
Sending good vibes to you and your New Earth Energies!