How To Say No To “Barter” or “Pick-Your-Brain” Requests Classily, Especially For Empaths.

Being a self-employed empath is not for the faint of heart. We train people how to treat us. When you are asked to work for free, these polite yet assertive ways of communicating will give you peace of mind and reinforce your boundary.

OVER THE YEARS, it has been a joy to see more and more empaths and people who are highly intuitive and sensitive towards energy to start their own businesses and services by sharing their unique gifts. It is a true blessing to create and grow a business that is aligned with your desires. But at times, you”ll experience situations that drive you away from your vision:

“I totally dig what you do, let’s barter?”

“I want your stuff but I can’t afford it, can you give me a discount/for free? Let’s work something out. If you say yes, I”ll be forever grateful.” (Except that you said yes and they came back a few months later and were willing to be “forever grateful” again…)

Tired and frustrated with such requests, you might even struggle to concentrate on your core work activities. 

Questions like the above used to make me cringe too. But fortunately, as I am working on managing my energy and my relationship with money and self-worth, it is totally possible to communicate with clarity, compassion, and not even a dime of resentment or guilt.

You train people how to treat you.

In the first part of this article, you can take away with some semi-done-for-you scripts – none of them will make you feel rude or insensitive, I promise.

In the second part of this article, I’ll share a simple tool to help you manage and plan your energy effectively on a daily basis.

 

“I am really interested in your service. I’ve got something cool to give in return. Let’s barter so we’ll both save some money!”

OK, bartering has its own place especially when you are just starting out, or in transition, or simply in need of some new experiences.

However, for gazillions of reasons bartering is not as pure/delightful/beautiful as many creative freelancers think it is.

Perhaps your gas company or favourite local restaurants will accept barter as a valid payment one day…some day…but until that day comes, decline bartering gracefully.

One time you say YES, the Universe will for sure send you the next request, and the next one. You simply cannot afford that.

In some countries, you are required to record bartering time, which potentially leads to additional tax. You really want to go there?

As you move forward in your business, you need to respect your business, ie, setting up your structure and getting paid like a pro. If you’ve been approached with a barter request, chances are they want your offering more than you want theirs. This creates an energy deficit on your part which is simply not sustainable.

And you can say something like this:

“Hi ____

I’m honoured that you are thinking of me. 

This year, I’ve made a commitment to keep my business simple and profitable. So, I’ll have to say no.

If you resonate with what I’m doing, I’d love to help you with _____, you can find all the information about it here [your link]. If you are in a place to move forward or explore further, you know where to find me!

[If it is true, you can include something genuine like this] I do believe in what you offering. When the timing is right, I will be very happy to purchase your services.

Thanks again for getting in touch. Best wishes.

Your sign-off”

 

“I really dig your stuff, can I pick your brain?”

“Hi _____,

Thank you so much for thinking of me. I’m glad that you resonate with my content and materials.

Here are the most popular and engaging articles – I sincerely hope that they’ll help you like they’ve helped many others.

If you still have questions: it is a good time that you are writing in, because I’m running/I have spots open for ___________ (your programs/services/live events), one of the key benefits in this course is to pick my brain and gain some personalised in-depth insights. If you feel called, I’d love to help you move forward!

Sending you good vibes & happy exploring!

_________ (sign-off)”

 

“I love your teaching. But I can’t afford you, and I’m a little depressed due to my circumstance. Can you give me a discount? I will be grateful for your kindness.”

“Hi ____,

Thanks for your note, I’m glad that you resonate with my content. I am sorry to hear what you are going through, it’s certainly not easy. Here are a few hand-picked free resources for you to __________[tweak this to suit you, eg, whatever your expertise is]:

1.  _________________________

2. ___________________________

3. ___________________________

They are really useful for helping you look at your situations differently and make desired changes swiftly. Let me know how you are getting on.

Having said that, from past experience, people who decide to take a leap and invest in themselves properly do get the best possible results (myself included). And if your circumstance changes in the future, please feel free to give me a shout and we can explore ways to work together.

By the way, have you read ______________[your favourite books on overcoming adversity]? I found it really helpful when I went through hardships.

Take good care & be well,

_________ (sign-off)”

 

But why is it SO hard for intuitives/empaths to say NO?

Empaths and intuitive are very in tuned with their environment.

Do you quite often unconsciously get yourself into some sort of arrangement, where you only want to bang your head against the wall afterwards? “Why did I say “yes”, when I meant “no”?”

The truth is:

Dear empaths – your nerve system simply cannot handle any conflicts.

I have been battling this for decades too.

It used to be like this: when they were happy, I was happy; when they were not happy, no matter how hard I tried, I was miserable too. Bluntly put, I was an “energy slut”.

People did not respect my boundaries, I don’t blame them, because I had none!

Boundary is something that must be harnessed and valued.

Good news is that with some practice and mindfulness, you can take care of both your nerve system and your sanity.

BUILD A HEALTHY ENERGETIC CONTAINER FOR YOURSELF AND OTHERS.

Credit to Sonia Choquette for sharing this technique with us. I’m sharing this vintage video with you (filmed several years ago) so that, if resonate, you can add this to your daily practice too.

Create and plan your energetic space daily. Be absolutely clear in your own space. You’d rather make decisions slowly than regret the heck out of yourself later on.

Add this to your daily practice, especially if you:

+ often travel through or to crowded places;

+ have a “funny” or “unsettling” vibes towards someone you simply cannot avoid such as a colleague who you must face everyday;

+ are feeling too much about other people’s energy.

Create a cube of light around you, wherever you go. This is to invite your Spirit to safeguard your precious energy.

It is always the highest vibration that prevails! Once you create this sacred place for yourself, if people want to enter, they’ll have to match this frequency, otherwise they will naturally turn away.

Try it yourself.

Simple, subtle magic, profound changes. Be willing to accept some gifts from your Spirit.

Looking after our energy is essential, especially if we are super sensitive towards our environment.

But as human beings, sometimes we become “lazy”, or we forget, or we are “too busy to do it”, or “We’ve been doing this for years. We are bored and we want something new to feel more inspired”.

You have probably noticed that whenever your self-care slips, you experience fatigue and your world feels shaken up. 

However, whenever you are mindful about self-care, your daily life shines – this, dear reader friend, needs to be a way of living. Don’t start your day, until your own space/vibe/energy is clear and high.

You’ll find it easier and easier to make the right decision and communicate with clarity.

Create a sacred space for yourself, this is the vibration and frequency where you receive the support from the Universe and subtle realms. Let go of other people’s turbulence, and not feeling guilty to be detached.

This is the presence you can cultivate, crystal clear. Only frequencies that match your true and authentic nature will come in.

 

Before closing, I want to remind you:

+ Your time is one of the most valuable assets in your biz and creative life;

+ You are worthy; be comfortable with your boundaries and stick to them.

+ Always assume the best in people; train them and they’ll respect your boundaries as well as establishing their own.

+ Whenever in doubt, use this Mantra: “Charging my worth is really good for my soul.” (more mantras here)

+ Saying yes to requests that drive you away from your desires  (eg, “to be respected and appreciated”) hurts your aura, drains your love for your work and kills your business, slowly and vividly.

+ You cannot afford to be an amateur  – too sloppy for your business and too cruel to yourself.

This article was originally published in 2015. It has now been re-written and edited to reflect our current climate. As always, questions and feedback are welcome.

Thanks for reading,

Yiye Zhang xo

This is picked and adapted from the Money First Aid Kit, a toolbox and DIY course that I designed specifically to help creative entrepreneurs heal your self-worth and develop a healthy relationship with money.

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