DO YOU SOMETIMES feel that you cannot pursue what you really want because you might hurt your loved ones? I received a question from my friend Lewis – it’s a grand and juicy question and I think many of us will resonate with it.

Maybe your parents have less influence or control over you, but the same challenge might apply to your spouse or closest friends.

You don’t want to hurt them, but you deep down you know that you deserve to live your purpose fully.

When you start to “wake up” and desire to live your vision, it can be a really sensitive period for your Soul – I call it “spiritual puberty”.

We don’t want to be cold or uncaring to completely ignore our loved ones’ concerns. Yet, it”ll be so cruel towards ourselves if we just follow the autopilot and let our life slip by.

It’s so important to go after your dreams while appreciating your loved ones, although sometimes it seems impossible to balance these two.

1. Recognise your inner power and

heal the deeper wounds.

 

When we respond to a deep calling in our heart, it requires a firm inner-authority to bring our dreams into reality.

If your parents hesitate to believe in your vision, this implies that they have their own ideas and systems for what is best for you.

When you are in these “make or break” moments, the relationship between you and your parents can be really challenging and delicate.

This is not an accident, your parents are here (unconsciously) to help you unleash your true power and be courageous.

{The below is my spiritual philosophy, I’m not here to challenge anyone’s belief system, please feel free to just take whatever resonates with you.}

Before we came to Earth, we hand-picked our parents, culture, and background, in order to serve our soul’s growth.

On the surface it looks like they are trying to stop you going after what you really want. But beneath the struggle, this experience will prepare you to have a greater inner-authority. I know, cosmic humour.

Look at it this way: if you could let go of your parents opinions of you, who else’s opinion about you can still bother you?

Deep down they are on your side. By trying to stop you, they are helping you to overcome your deepest insecurity.

Some might ask why it has to be the loved ones?

Because their opinions carry the most weight with you. It’s a lot easier to ignore a stranger’s comment and move on, but with your folks and loved ones, you will have to work through this challenge.

For those who feel their childhood was tough or even abusive. You might still feel resentful towards something that your parent(s) did / or didn’t do.

But allow me to share a different perspective. In the quantum state where time doesn’t exist and you are closely connected with the source, you are in agreement with your parents’ souls.

They are asking you: “by agreeing to be our child, your earlier life will be challenging, you might hate us for what we do, we might misunderstand each other and not be able to reconcile, your emotions towards us will be swinging between “love-hate”; but we will bring you to Earth in a physical form, and all the painful experiences you go through will make you wake up to your true essence, you will eventually live your life in a more expansive manner and make a real contribution. Are you sure you want to be our child and go through all this?”

And you eagerly say: “Yes, I can hardly wait!”

Can you feel this part of you? And can you feel this part of your parents? It is just as real as your physical form. It is the higher self speaking. Get back in touch with this part, and healing shall begin or be enhanced.

Making peace with that part of you will increase your true power, and followed by a more accurate self-expression.

2. Create a healthy boundary.

When you start living your purpose, there is a big energetic shift going on in your life. It’s a delicate time, and you must use your energy and resources wisely.

Some old patterns might not serve you well anymore.

For example, in order to make your parents happy, you do whatever they ask you, it probably worked OK in the past. However it is no longer the wisest choice.

It’s time to set a clear boundary. Once you set it, people do respect it (at least they should). If they don’t, there is deeper entanglement going on, which is outside the scope of this article – feel free to share your experiences in the comments below.

You might have to say NO to your loved ones more frequently, which might make you feel guilty.

However, do understand that it’s normal to have an emotional adjustment period when you are setting your boundaries.

It’s a perfect opportunity to learn how to hold your ground, and stand up for your vision, which is a foundation to nurture your dreams and live your purpose.

The results will be rewarding – you will be a happier person, and become more capable of respecting others. You will have less tendency to judge your parents’ decisions too (see #4 below).

Boundaries are the distance at which I can love you and me simultaneously.

Prentis Hemphil

3. Always seek win-win solutions

and avoid getting triggered.

True parents don’t tend to want their children only to “live to please them”.

They want you to be happy, be you, but they might just not understand you as much as you want them to.

But here is the thing, the more you nurture your dream, a better person you will be and a better child you will become for your parents, although it might not be obvious on the surface yet.

Because of the guilt, the emotional entanglement, it’s not always easy to see win-win solutions.

However, when you are mindful of not being triggered or being sucked into past emotional stories, you will remain calm. A calm state will allow you to see situations clearly.

It’s actually simple: focus on yourself but honour their system.

Go underground and protect your dream if you need to.

Further input from Lewis: ‘don’t lie, just use your wise judgement’

As your parents, if you do something slightly unconventional, inevitably they will get worried.

It’s not that they don’t want you to live your dream or value your heart’s desires, but it’s just hard for them to see all the possibilities due to the environment they grew up in. Or sometimes it is simply because of the role they are playing  – prudent and protective.

You don’t have to talk much about what you up to at this stage. Once you have some external achievements, then you can share more with your loved ones.

When you have some external results to show, it will be so much easier for them to accept and acknowledge what you do, and be less worried about you.

Although the external success is more of a by-product of walking your truth instead of the original goal, somehow it can serve as an antidote to their anxiety: “please don’t worry about me, look, the world is supporting me.”

Instead of feeling powerless or struggling, stand up for yourself with grace and treat your loved ones with respect and harmony.

4. Live your purpose fearlessly while

appreciating your heritage.

Our heritage is our roots. When our roots are strong and secure, we – the branches – will reach out to the sky, without hesitation, without shame.

Lewis added more insights:

“- Parents grow up in a different era to their children. My parents did not have the opportunity to choose the media intake and thus, in my situation anyway, their well intentioned advice to watch the news and to read the newspapers is their way of giving me advice and love in accordance to how they grew up.

– Resist the urge to poke holes in their advice and way of life…it was once my own way of life whilst growing up.

– Respect the decisions that they made (and continue to make). Respect the lessons that they learned from those decisions, as those decisions were the best at the time. They will impart these lessons to their children with the best of intentions.

– Always keep in mind that one day you may be doing the same thing for your children.”

Finally, always remember this: A happy dream makes a happy person, happy people make a happy family; happy families make a happy community; happy communities make a peaceful world.

Thanks to Lewis for this awesome question and sharing his advice.

Sending good vibes to you, who are living your purpose.

Yiye Zhang  章一叶

As always, I’ll be glad to hear from you. If you want to add your thoughts or have any questions, please leave a comment below or email me via yiye@yourlifeexpression.com.

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