Q&A – “I find my partner getting increasingly annoying, what should I do?!”

This is our monthly Q&A time again!

I’ve received an email from a reader a couple of weeks ago, to protect her privacy, let’s call her Maggie.

Maggie says: “I recently started my online business on the side while doing 9-5. I am so excited to finally chase my dreams but things have become very difficult at home. My partner doesn’t seem to understand my passion and becomes increasingly irritating and annoying.

I feel our gap is getting wider and wider. Of course I still love him, and we’ve been through a lot in the past. I want to work things out before it’s too late. However I just feel drained when my partner is around. Any tips will be appreciated!”

Isn’t this an awesome question? I believe we all resonate to it a certain degree – someone who you can’t run away from is draining your energy. If it is not your partner, it could be one or two family members, colleagues, step-daughter etc.

We all know that a happy, exciting and supportive relationship can be a BIG PLUS to your business building and life in general. However we don’t live in a happy-ever-after world. If things are rocky with you at the moment, I’ve put together a 3-step-approach for you!

1. Check where the draining energy and irritation is from.

Automatically we assume the bad vibe or irritation is 100% from the other person.

“He is a messy eater”.

“She is always late.”

……..

However, the surprising truth is that it could come from us first, and our partner, colleagues or friends are merely an reaction from our own lack of clarity and dissatisfaction.

Starting a business while having a side job can be time-consuming and demanding. When we are in the state of being overwhelmed or stressed-out, we will approach people, words and events from an defensive mode. That’s just how we are designed by default.

If you want to get to the bottom of the issue and clear away the source, then always begin with checking yourself first:

– How am I looking at my life right now?

– Do I get tired easily lately?

– Am I suppressing any of my needs or interests?

– Am I comfortable with being who I am and where I am right now?

If the majority of the answers are negative, then there is at least some level of inner-work you can do first.

Be gentle with yourself though. This happens to everyone at some point.

Check your own vibes carefully and give yourself enough space to relax.

You might feel the tendency to say: I’m pretty sure s/he is the one who should change.

Here is thing: you can’t make the decision to change them; but you DO HAVE THE POWER to change your mindset and outlook, which in turn will influence others miraculously.

So let yourself be a very happy person first. In spiritual terms, this is called “raise your vibration”: ie, just be happy.

The happier you are, the more you can influence others; the less you can be influenced by any negative sources.

2. Your partner becomes what you call him/her

If you want your partner to be more understanding, then say this frequently: thank you so much for being understanding and appreciative!

Your words are really your magic wand. You probably heard of this expression before: “Be careful what you ask for, because you might well get it”.

Research shows that your partner become what you call him/her over the time.

Your words have power, so use them wisely. Call him/her Patient, Sexy, Sweet, Smart, Caring, Brave, Funny, Thoughtful, Amazing, Interesting….{don’t feel like doing so? Boy, you don’t know what you are missing out!}

Nagging, complaining or ignoring is never powerful enough to resolve the underlying challenges.

But encouraging and supportive words and attitude can!

You all know how soft water is, but it erodes the rock! If you want to influence him in the long run, use your softness.

Is this kinda of manipulative?  Well, for bringing the best out of someone with a genuine appreciation and compliment, I don’t think so.

People tend to put their guard down immediately when they hear compliments and appreciation. So Maggie, call him “compassionate”, “appreciative”,  “useful” and “understanding”.

This will be your feminine side in its best form.

3. Have a heart-to-heart conversation

If you’ve done the two steps above, it’s time to have your say. But before you have a talk with him/her, make a deal that no arguing or complaining is allowed.

Just pure talk.

Communicate with a frequency of love; drop any expectations on your other half.

Your goal is not to ask them to agree with you, but say exactly how their behaviour makes you feel.

Use your sweetest voice possible. Tell them how they have made you feel without holding anything back. For nobody could argue with your own feeling, they cannot help but start to actively listen.

With this mindset and manner to communicate, no one can resist but listen to your message, especially someone who loves you.

[Side note, if you are still in an emotional place, don’t initiate such talk yet. I suggested a girlfriend to TALK to her boyfriend because she doesn’t like the fact that he mentions his ex all the time. However, instead of TALKING, she went straight into YELLING….It doesn’t really matter if you are right or wrong, yelling can really ruin everything]

So Maggie, maybe your partner has his own challenge too. Maybe his non-supportive act is his way of being protective towards you. There is only one way to find out: talk to him with an open mind and clear heart.

That’s my 3 step approach:

1) hold your space —-> 2) use your magic wand —> 3) openly communicate.

I hope you enjoyed it!

All my love & good vibes

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