Why you don’t need to push yourself to be “confident”

In response to questions from our lovely community, I was writing a “how-to” post on gaining confidence to get what you want.

I drafted a long article, but I didn’t feel like posting it. They were good & very practical tips. However, in my heart of hearts, vibrationally they felt off and something big was missing.

I knew that I had to stop. So I gave another try. I went away to meditate.

And here is the conclusion, pushing oneself to be “confident” is f$%^ing over-rated.

I did try to push myself to gain confidence + fix my flaws + destroy my shadows + rewrite my stories…all that blablablablabala. Sometimes it worked, others it didn’t. Even when it worked, I didn’t really enjoy the experience.

Here is the thing, whenever you push yourself to appear/be/act “confident”, you are still enslaved by other people’s rules and opinions.

Recently I became more and more repelling towards this approach. So I gave up on this altogether, and just relax into who I am + where I am. As a result, my life + business has become more and more magical and effortless.

I can’t change who I am.

You can’t change who you are either.

The real confidence has to be unleashed, not to be gained.

Charlie Chaplin summarised it the best, especially refer to the “self-confidence” part.

“As I began to love myself
I found that anguish and emotional suffering are only warning signs
that I was living against my own truth.
Today, I know, this is “AUTHENTICITY”.

As I began to love myself I understood how much it can offend somebody
As I try to force my desires on this person,
even though I knew the time was not right and the person was not ready for it,
and even though this person was me.
Today I call it “RESPECT”.

As I began to love myself I stopped craving for a different life,
and I could see that everything that surrounded me was inviting me to grow.

Today I call it “MATURITY”.

As I began to love myself I understood that at any circumstance,
I am in the right place at the right time,
and everything happens at the exactly right moment.
So I could be calm.
Today I call it “SELF-CONFIDENCE”.

As I began to love myself I quit stealing my own time,
and I stopped designing huge projects for the future.
Today, I only do what brings me joy and happiness, things I love to do
and that make my heart cheer, and I do them in my own way and in my own rhythm.
Today I call it “SIMPLICITY”.

As I began to love myself I freed myself of anything that is no good for my health –
food, people, things, situations, and everything the drew me down and away from myself.
At first I called this attitude a healthy egoism.
Today I know it is “LOVE OF ONESELF”.

As I began to love myself I quit trying to always be right,
and ever since I was wrong less of the time.
Today I discovered that is “MODESTY”.

As I began to love myself I refused to go on living in the past and worry about the future.
Now, I only live for the moment, where everything is happening.
Today I live each day, day by day, and I call it “FULFILLMENT”.

As I began to love myself I recognized that my mind can disturb me
and it can make me sick.
But as I connected it to my heart, my mind became a valuable ally.
Today I call this connection “WISDOM OF THE HEART”.

We no longer need to fear arguments, confrontations or any kind of problems
with ourselves or others.

Even stars collide, and out of their crashing new worlds are born.

Today I know “THAT IS LIFE”!”

I hope that you have enjoyed this poem as much as I do.

If some of your friends/tribe can benefit from this post, please share it on. May good karma come back to you tenfold!

All my love,

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