Your True Desires and Soul Essence (plus a raw story)

“An integral being knows without going, sees without looking, and accomplishes without doing”-Lao Tzu (tweet this)

Abundance & the power of your true desires

As I am writing to you, summer is about to end here in London. I couldn’t help but gaze outside my office at the apple tree and roses in the garden. They are so full of life, glory and vitality.

There are no season expresses or represents Abundance better than autumn, the harvesting time of the year.

Our Mother Earth always sets  the best example of manifestation, talking about which, some of you asked me how I manifested the all-expenses-covered healing trip to the Peak District a couple of months ago and how I got the exact details right for the healing purpose without micro-managing it.

Well, firstly, I didn’t get in my own way, I guess. I was at the point that I knew that I must heal myself further, otherwise, my daily life, my creativity, my business, would have all been affected adversely. And I didn’t want to leave everything until it was too late.

At times, it is a lot easier to ALLOW the Universe to arrange on your behalf. Your soul is communicating constantly with the Universe, it is just often that we block ourselves by daily dramas and the mundane.

My decision of putting my desires first got rewarded. Not only the healing trip with the perfect detail came along, I also made Money from that trip.

Trust that Money is there for you, Abundance is there for you. Leap towards that faith and follow your true desires.

My life, my relationships and my wellbeing all depend on my capacity to heal. That was my true desire.

I stayed at one with that desire.

When it comes to attracting Money and Abundance, you need to feel inspired to attract them, but not desperate.

You need to feel enthusiastic, but not to an extent that you are too excited nor too anxious.

You need to own the responsibility of getting your desires met but not being attached with any specific outcome.

You need to work on your intuitive muscle and get the balance right for YOU.

To give you another recent example, a few weeks ago, I called my spa for an afternoon pamper. I used to be able to get unlimited free access to their exotic herbal steam room, as part of my membership package.

However, they changed their policies lately, this benefit has been restricted. So this time I was not entitled to it.

I was very disappointed at the beginning, as their herbal steam room was such an attraction to me. Every time when I left my worries, trepidation and anxiety outside the door and embraced the exotic sensation, it felt like lying right next to a waterfall near Amazon gathering my lost pieces of Soul.

I told the staff on the phone that I respect their business decision but I was really surprised that nobody informed me. I insisted if they could make an exception on that ground, but they firmly stuck with their decision although they apologised for their lack of communication. I didn’t get particularly angry or upset with them. Things do change, I understand.

However, I’m still strongly pulled to experience rejuvenating herbal steam sessions just like that.

I started searching online and see if there are any similar spas – looks like there were a few potential places offering better deals.

It made sense to cancel my session with the spa.

I picked up my phone, right at that nano second my phone also rang. It was Thai Square. The same staff greeted me again extra joyously, “Ms Yiyi (unfornately that’s how many people call my name), I just checked our records, you are such a loyal customer, we want to keep providing the services you need. We’d love to continue gifting you the steam sessions providing you book a few days in advance. But today as our goodwill gesture, you’ll get your session anyway!”

Woo-hoo!

Focus on your desires, stay detached, trust and stay at one with your desire, keep taking action moving towards your desire, that’s it!

Getting some free treatment or all-expense-covered trips might sound like small things, but you can practise small things like this, grow your manifesting capacity and abundance muscle, and watch how your joy can be amplified.

Using the same mindset and principle, I also manifested a massive discount for learning martial arts this year without even forcing it.

Every time you say Yes to yourself, the Universe is right here to reward you (tweet this)

But why can’t we just feel abundant all the time? How can I feel at one with my Desires, Abundance and Money like the way you do, you might ask.

Let’s dig deeper…

 

Your self-worth = root of Abundance

Whenever you experience the separation with your true desires, you hit a self-worth block.

Do you believe that you are worthy? Not when someday you become such and such, or have attained this or that.

But right at this moment? Perhaps without make-up, without a mansion, without a medal, without a certification in xyz, without a loving partner, without a perfect childhood, without a waiting list of clients, without a desirable audience…

Can you still feel that what a magnificent and precious and gorgeous and powerful being you are?

Take a deep breath.

Can you feel it?

If not, then Money, ideal clients, hot dates, 100+ comments, head-over-heel butterflies will not make you feel it sustainably either.

It can be f^cking hard, especially during your transformation.

I certainly struggled with it in the past-quite-a-few months.

Enter…

 

Dark nights of the soul, when positivity is overrated

I hesitated putting this section up, but I must honour my truth, as well as your trust. You sign  up to my newsletter or visit my website to learn how Money & Abundance really works, not for some for temporary bandage which might look glamours on the surface only to disguise the real pains and wounds underneath.

So, here we go.

My online business has grown so quickly since I started blogging just 2 years ago. I’m so grateful for connecting with all the wonderful readers, customers, clients, friends, and more importantly, I’m gradually building this community with your help.

At the same time, as a multi-passionate person, it looked like that I managed to find my sweet spot without being all over the place.

I was enjoying owning my expertise. Business started to flourish. I also had spare time to write, dance and simply do nothing.

Life seemed so good.

And it immediately had an U turn.

Some of you knew that I had a few nasty experiences when I grew up, at 6, 9 and 11-12 to pin them down. I won’t bore you with too many details, but they involve nearly being raped, nearly being kidnapped, and being set up to fall into some mental trap by a few school girls which led almost the entire school to hate me and called me names for at least one year, and I loathed myself for not standing on my own feet for the next eight years.

For a very time long, I felt that I’m the one who was sinful, dirty, full of flaws and whenever there were conflicts I firmly believed that it was definitely because there was something wrong with me. Being apologetic was my first nature.

I had my coping mechanism back then.

Ignore what happened and run away from those wounds.

I flew across half of the world and started anew.

Apparently it had worked for the past 13 years.

Until I wanted to grow my business to the next level. PTSD got triggered.

Boy, I felt so stuck.

I started developing stress symptoms that I never experienced before. Nightmares, flashbacks, shivering in the middle of the night, an immense amount of self-doubt poured out.

What the f^ck was going on? Every minute I questioned myself.

The indecisive, insecure and extremely apologetic side of me kept showing up.

I felt plain disconnected.

My Soul has the perfect plan and inner-knowing, “this is just a process that you need to go through”. However, my younger self felt so hard to trust and embrace the changes.

Part of me knew that being more visible would be good for my Soul, yet many other parts of me screamed with desperation: “NO NO NO, we are not going there with you”.

Almost every day I felt so exhausted due to the internal conflicts. It took so much out of me just simply by being, er… me.

Holy cr@p!

I was so hard to make peace with the internal conflicts. My initial reaction was to, as you might guess it, run away again, to another part of the world, perhaps Mexico this time.

Or find some quick short-cuts to remove all those energetic blockages within me, without committing to look into the wounding and dark nights.

I tried, but I was reluctant to follow through – the above options felt “off” and didn’t really serve the purpose of my new lesson.

I felt weak, lost, and a total failure.

…

Things were so bad that I had to learn and self-teach all the PTSD remedies. (For the record, I’m almost an expert now.)

It was a tricky balance.

On one hand, you must be as gentle as possible with your wounded parts. Go to the “dark places” in you, without which, healing won’t be effective. Be compassionate towards your darkness and shadows. Many of us practise unconditional love for others, yet fail to have compassion towards the Self.

On the other hand, you need to cultivate your strengths, power and presence. Reconnect with your essence, otherwise you are forever living in the past and letting your old patterns control you.

I took myself on #AbundanceDate and #EssenceDate as often as possible (more about this in the next section). And I threw myself into learning boxing and martial arts. My wounded selves started to trust more and calm down…

Inch by inch, a more evolved version of the Self started to emerge.

In the meantime, a good Money & Abundance relationship also made things a lot easier than otherwise – I knew that Money & Abundance is always here for me, so I absolutely refused to work on projects that are not in alignment. In paradox, once you keep saying “No” to things that don’t inspire you, you always have room in life to receive true blessings to your deepest desires. My business did NOT grow in a way I thought it SHOULD have, which freaked me out big time initially, but it is growing its own arms and legs in a much more organic and powerful way, much better and more sustainable than I forced it to be at first.

I have a FREE teleclass for you to activate your Money & Abundance Magnet (on 15 Sep). If you are already in my mailing list, you do NOT need to sign up again, but if you want to invite your friends to benefit from this pitch-free, educational-focused learning opportunity, please pass this link to them.

For those of you who feel that you are being so challenged this year. Let me assure you: being spiritual doesn’t mean that you have to feel peaceful all the time. Quite often, you are challenged and you just feel disconnected or even hopeless. To an extent that you had no choice but to look deep into my own issues.

I few weeks ago I talked to my dear teacher Sonia Choquette.  She congratulated me:

“People who decide to become a real help to others all go through this stage. Instead of treating it like defeat, congratulate yourself, wow, now you are ready to deal with them.

Your PTSD only pops up when you are strong enough to resolve them at a deeper level. This is the year of PTSD for you. Expect some deep healing so that you can be a real help for people, not just a bandage.”

Sonia has always been a wonderful teacher and great role model for me. Her words touched me deeply and from then on it was much easier for me to see the bigger picture, and totally relax into my own process.

“Screw it. Well, it’s the year of my PTSD anyway, I might as well enjoy the process!”

Our inner work will never be done. Just come back to the process and keep it going. You will always be invited to look at your foundation, over and over again.

And that’s also when the real fun actually begins.

For example, I’m way more comfortable with myself now, with my communication style, voice, image, body, message, and my own “history” and “messiness”.

I’m not totally recovered yet, I don’t know when I will be – to be frank, I don’t particularly care about the timeline right now.

Because it is such a relief for me to say that I’ve made peace with this huddle. I love myself enough not to feel sorry for me anymore.

Looking back, I don’t want any part to be even a nanometre different.

And I’m not late for anything. Me and my Soul, we are right on schedule.

If you have a friend/family member is going through something similar, please forward this article to him/her. Together, we can make things easier for the ones you care about.

 

Have a date with Abundance, your Desire and your Essence no matter what

Honour every part of you, make a commitment to know your Essence. That’s the secret of attracting abundance no matter what, even if you feel as sh*t as I did, we can still live a rich, meaningful and wonder-filled life.

I’ve had way too many “oh I really don’t want to do it, I just can’t do it” days in last few months, more than the past 10 years combined. As much as I respect my own feelings, it doesn’t mean that I should run away from my biz and soul evolution.

If you are going through one of those days, here are some tips for you:

1. Really give yourself time and space and understand what exactly you want. And give yourself what you want and need.

2. Make a commitment to yourself that you want to heal and see the bigger picture.

3. Reconnect with your Soul Essence daily, if not hourly.

4. At times if you struggle to feel that essence in yourself, you can pray and find that quality in nature, and allow it to reflect back to you.

Here is a suggested process & some pictures that capture a particular Essence in you. Your soul Essence is way bigger and more varied than the examples, please do not be limited by the examples. The photos were all taken through daily life, to inspire you to capture your own greatness even through the mundane.  Thanks to my dear mentor Hiro Boga and her legendary Be Your Own Business Adviser course to guide me and inspire me. If you are not in Hiro’s world yet, I highly recommend you to check out all the free resources on her site (disclaimer: NOT an affiliate link – I’m sharing it out of pure joy and gratitude)

You are more than welcome to leave a comment below, let us know which Essence you feel called at the moment, and I’ll include you to my prayers this week.

A simple process to help you get started:

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Take a few deep breath.

Quieten your mind.

Listen to your body, in which way s/he feels the lack right at the moment?

Be honest with this voice.

Sit with that voice for awhile.

Then ask yourself from a clear state, “which Essence of yourself, which you have forgotten about, wants to reconnect with you at this moment?”

Call in every single past life of yourself, together, reclaim this Essence, and let it be activated within your body.

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Action points for you:

1. Dedicate time for yourself today to reconnect with your Essence, be curious with which Essence is calling you. Leave a comment below, and I’ll add you to my sacred prayers this week.

2. If you know any spiritual entrepreneurs who are going through a challenging time and if you think this article might help them, please do share it on. Together, we can bring more healing into the beautiful world.

If you feel called to heal your self-worth more, visit my DIGITAL ABUNDANCE SHOP  (the offering will change and the price point will increase after 1 Jan 2015, in light of the EU VAT legislation)

Thank you for being part of my life!

Love & Abundance,