It’s difficult to trust ourselves if we don’t know how to take care of ourselves.
Our subconscious mind is taking notes on how we treat ourselves. This automatic, habitual pattern sends a powerful message to others, which trains them how to treat us in turn.
Self-confidence is rooted in self-care.
International Self-care Day is on 24 July. The significance of this date reminds us that good self-care can benefit us inside out, 24 hours a day, 7 days a week.
As our suffering through mental health has increased in recent years, real self-care has also shifted from “treating ourselves” into something more meaningful and essential.
Self-care is our capacity to understand our needs/wants, express them with honesty and fulfill them skillfully.
When effective, self-care gives our power back and allows us to embrace who we really are…
Nowadays where many people fall short on self-care is not a lack of bubble baths, facial masks or wellness apps, but the self-knowledge and support to make peace with the demands of high-pressured modern life.
If you promise yourself that you’ll workout every day this year, without any former preparation, but then feel like a failure when you are not hitting your target – that is not self-care but the dark side of all-or-nothing thinking.
If, after the initial relief of attending a retreat, you quickly fall back to the old habits that stress you out, then soon after you book another more expensive retreat hoping the latest wellbeing trend will fix you – that’s not self-care either, but a form of addiction and instant gratification.
Self-care takes time, effort, and more importantly our ongoing commitment. Despite many helpers being available to us, we cannot outsource our responsibility to apps, spa centres, teachers or even doctors.
Self-care is about wholeness, especially constructing those aspects of the Self that have been previously fragmented or rejected by us.
Which part in you is undervalued? What is your long-lost passion? Reconnect with your forgotten part. Schedule time to explore, it’s never too late to learn how to appreciate or value yourself.
Which aspect of you still feels hurt and yearns for witness? Then nourish and tend it, numbing it down will only cause further self-rejection. It might not be as demanding as you think, sometimes, a gentle whisper of “I hear you” is more than enough.
To heal and flourish, self-care should be our priority and necessity, not just something nice and cute that we do when we finally “find the time”.
Contrary to popular opinion, self-care is a big ask. Sometimes, it is soothing, pleasurable and fun, while other times, it can be messy, uncomfortable and challenging.
However, it’s not necessarily an isolated act. Let your loved ones and trusted advisors know where and how you struggle. They will be able to provide you with insights that you might not see otherwise.
As I am writing now, Young Spring has matured into High Summer in London. Yang is exuberant with life force boldly. The Fire Element is at its peak.
This is a season about love, joy and blooming to the fullness, and share that love, joy and blooming without reservations. And good self-care makes it all feel natural and easy.
The wellbeing of our Heart depends on relationships, with both ourselves and others around us. Without protection or appropriate boundaries, the flame of the Heart becomes volatile and our inner strength is compromised.
Sometimes, the outer world becomes too much for our physical, mental and emotional bodies to take. When our Fire is out, we internally fail to recognise joy or fun. We lose our interest or trust. We become less engaged in life. We shrink our true Self.
Yet, we can return to our Spirit, not for avoidance, but to listen to our inner-voice, to recharge and regroup, and to re-ignite our Fire.
In our body, we have the most natural, beautiful and god-given medicines.
In Classical Chinese Medicine, there is an acupuncture point called Palace of Weariness, located at the centre of your palms, on the Pericardium Meridian whose job is to protect your Heart.
Palace of Weariness is considered as a micro chakra. Using this point to activate your Qi is one of the first things that many healers learn. If you place your hands together, then separate the palms slightly with a distance of a couple of inches, you may feel that you are holding an energy ball.
Your Palace of Weariness shields you from hurt, insult, injuries and overwhelm. When facing a negative situation, we instinctively cover our Heart with our palms.
Palace of Weariness is an essential point to activate, re-activate and balance our Fire – the mature, utmost Yang within us.
When our Palace of Weariness is effective and working well, we are strong, resilient, joyful and hopeful. Our Fire burns without destruction, without decay. We can see and follow our guiding light.
This is a Fire point on a Fire meridian. Its healing power has dual effect, which can be very useful, especially given the extreme weather in many parts of the world lately.
On one hand, when the weather is too cold, damp or extreme, we can feel closed and sluggish inside, Palace of Weariness can activate our inner-fire and warmth and remind our emotional body what a healthy and sustaining glow feels like.
On the other hand, when the heatwave hits, we can be agitated and restless, as if our brain is also melting away, in this case, Palace of Weariness is like a breezy spot in the shade, which calms our Heart and cools our energy, so we can feel clear and grounded again.
The name Palace means this is a residence of sovereignty, a place to find comfort and allow for rest and recharge.
Palace of Weariness is very helpful if you are someone who wears your heart on your sleeve, or looking for courage and inspiration after betrayal and hurt.
If you are sensitive to your environment to an extent that you often feel fatigue, Palace of Weariness is here to re-ignite your vitality and inner-fire.
From time to time, we are all subject to weariness and exhaustion, yet Mama Nature has provided us with such a Palace, within us, to recoup, revive and renew.
Whenever I work with clients who have been suppressed from self-expression, or have just gone through a major transformation in life, or want to release toxic people and patterns, I’d walk them back to their Palace of Weariness, spiritually and emotionally.
Regardless of our job titles, social statuses, we are divine sparkles. There is something inherently royal about each of us.
Imagine this: You, a divine being resting in your Palace, where you feel safe and secure. Here, you can lean back and fully trust what life can offer.
At the centre of your being, you have your personal sovereignty, privacy and the direct connection with the Source.
You can meditate on your Palace of Weariness, especially when you:
+ are overwhelmed by demands in life and need to find the balance of caring for the Self and others.
+ feel flat, disinterested or depressed as if there is no joy in life.
+ know that it’s beneficial to open yourself deeply with the right people, but you need to feel safe, secure and grounded before, during and after.
+ have over-extended yourself and feel depleted.
+ are too self-critical and it’s time to shift your self-talk into a more encouraging one.
+ have lost your dance and laughter and in need to find your sparkle.
+ are in search for the great strength and courage to leave toxic people, patterns and events behind and never look back ….
Not everyone can always afford long sabbaticals or private healthcare, but we all have access to our Palace of Weariness.
Your Palace of Weariness is always accessible to you. Hold your hands, with palms facing together. You can always invite your gorgeous Spirit to reside back into his/her palace.
And even if you don’t feel like you are blossoming yet, or not to the extent you’d like. Don’t despair. Practise self-care to tend your inner-fire. There will always be another Summer in Spirit around the corner.
With love,
Yiye Zhang 章一叶
Beautifully written! I didn’t know that there is so much spiritual wisdom and meaning all within our body!!
Thanks for your kind words! I’m glad that you enjoyed it! I’m always amazed by how intelligent our body really is too!