Self-worth VS. Entitlement

A healthy sense of self-worth is rooted in an internal understanding and respect towards yourself.

The problem is that many of us didn’t grow up with this attitude but we tie our self-worth too much with external approval.

Therefore if you suffer a lot of hardship and harsh judgement, for example, what you receive does not match up with what you give, then hurtful experiences can leave a scar inside. This can turn into entitlement, which may hinder your journey of growing true self-worth.

“…I have a degree, I should be prosperous.”

“I am pretty and smart. He really should have proposed by now. It’s unfair!”

Overhearing some comments like this in a cafe, it reminded me of the first time that I was asked for a discount. (Bear with me, I’ll explain)

He, a semi-“industry leader”, asked me for a discount, plus everything had to be on his terms, on the grounds that “he is a leader and it will make me look good”. There was no courtesy nor respect. Just a rude demand with his… strong sense of entitlement.

It completely grossed me out. Not from the request itself, but the way it was approached.

He was not shy away to boast about his apparent superiority based on “he has been around long enough,” as if the world owed him.

Yeah – the world owed him a discount or something… anything!

With that attitude, I don’t know how he can sustain his business.

Similarly, the opening statements above had a likely vibe, no wonder why they struggle to get the promotion/proposal/recognition/appreciation…regardless of how many PhDs they hold or how pretty they are.

Here is the raw truth:

The education system, society, your partner might not be perfect, but they don’t owe you anything.

Nobody does.

“Don’t go around saying the world owes you a living. The world owes you nothing. It was here first.” – Mark Twain

Of course, there is nothing wrong with desiring wealth, joy or a fulfilling relationship. It certainly does NOT mean that you are a greedy person. And you definitely deserve a true blessing of abundance in every possible way.

Just… it is easy to get confused between self-worth and entitlement, if we are not being mindful.

 

Self-worth = 1. Self-respect.

How do you treat yourself internally regardless of any apparent external results? Do you still love yourself even if, for example, you are not prosperous yet? Can you still sense your own value? Do you still believe that you are an asset to the world, not a liability?

2. Take full responsibility of your reality.

You are worthy enough to own your reality, and you are powerful enough to change it however you want to change it. You don’t wait for permission but grant yourself the right to manifest your desires.

3. A sense of real contribution.

Without contribution (ie, adding to someone else’s life, making a difference, bringing the best out of a given situation, being a real helper), it becomes an entitlement.

Entitlement = “They owe me”.

Acting entitled is one of the fastest ways to get yourself into a never ending hole, being permanently unfulfilled.

There is a fine line between healing your self-worth and feeling entitled.

When healing your self-worth accidentally backfires into acting entitled, here are 4 steps to turn it around, with simple and gentle energetic adjustments.

Step 1. Watch your language

Admission: we all feel the “Universe/society/parents/friends/coaches/they owe me” from time to time, unconsciously. It has certainly happened to me (such as wanting to attract more and better at an even faster rate).

The first step is to bring such unconscious mindsets into the light.

From your language, you can detect if you are feeling worthy or just over-entitled.

For example, I hear countless people saying: “…but they are just not buying” “…nothing is happening in my biz” “…the numbers ain’t growing fast enough”, then you asked them some follow up questions and found out that the numbers were pretty good! And a lot of things were happening! Yet they felt inadequate…

If you hear yourself talk like this, there is an opportunity to heal yourself even further. Be prepared for some digging fun as follows!

Step 2. Trace the root of this entitlement.

Instead of getting frustrated by this feeling. Go and explore more.  {Spoiler: once you are getting into this process, it can be one of the most liberating games you can play on a regular basis}

Ask yourself this question: Where is this all coming from?

Be extremely attentive and patient.

The root of this feeling relates to one or more stories from the past. Often, that is your inner-child craving to be truly seen, accepted and cherished, instead of being treated otherwise.

Through meditation, self-coaching or journalling, you can identify the exact events, and revisit your past.

It’s not about shaming your inner-child’s needs or wants, but making your inner child feel heard and protected.

Step 3. True self-worth healing.

Now you are ready to receive some real healing.

To share this story with you, I once had a very gifted client, who was ready to take her intuitive coaching business full-time. She wanted to take on 35 clients at once but was struggling to get that number.

Frustrated and annoyed, and feeling let down by her audience and prospects; needless to say, feeling this way was certainly not the reason she was in business and so she doubted if going full-time was the right move.

I asked her how many clients she needed in order to maintain her lifestyle at the time.

After some initial resistance, we went through her maintenance numbers together. And the answer? 5-8!

“Ah Ha! Why do you want to take on 35 immediately?” with this question, we did further digging.

Firstly, 35 felt safer. She was brought up in an extremely hardworking family by post-war parents. Her younger self always sensed the need to do more, achieve more and prove more. Although working with 5-8 clients at a time can adequately provide for her, she instinctively wanted to work more, just because.

Secondly, her family, especially her father didn’t “get” what she does. She figured out that at least working with many clients can prove to her father that her true gifts have financial values to people, and that 35 was just an arbitrary number which was pulled out from thin air. Despite that, it felt like a real goal at the time.

The process gave her a whole new perspective.

It was a huge relief to be able to separate her authentic needs in business from her inner-child’s yearning. Given she had already signed up seven clients, she realised it was a true blessing to work with those seven souls who said “yes” to her offering.

And in contrary to her mind’s disbelief, her list is not “dead”, her community is listening and providing for her.

Above all, she started to see more clearly that her gifts ARE valuable. She loves her work, her quirky self, she is simply and divinely who she is. No matter what others might think of her, it will not change her truth.

Step 4. Move on like a shaker.

Instead of stressing herself out to get to an arbitrary number, my client was able to focus on building her business more sanely and steadily. She dived into her work wholeheartedly, and gave her full presence to her community.

And her clients certainly felt it, two of them already decided to extend their work with her. The rest were also happy and couldn’t stop talking about her.

With such a clear energy and graceful attitude, of course her business will continually grow.

I’m sharing this beautiful example to assure you this:

Your true needs are always met.

Relax into the process, know that you do have whatever it takes to succeed.

Keep pouring love towards yourself until you don’t feel victimised anymore. Get back in the driver’s seat. And ask yourself the question: “How can I become a real contributor?”

Without being a real contributor, it doesn’t matter how many sales you make, how quickly you get a proposal, something is still missing in your life.

Instead of feeling like a “casualty” of some systems: “I have a degree, I should be prosperous”, ask yourself this

:: “What are the most valuable skills that I’ve learnt from my degree?”

:: “What are the top 10 ways to use them in an organisation, or how can I use them to truly change people’s lives for the better?”

:: “How else can I utilise my gifts to become a wildly helpful person?”

Then act from this place, really mean it. Trust that this is a fantastic first step to create more abundance, and have faith that you’ll learn more and more relevant skills, as you need them, along the way.

Instead of moaning about a proposal that may or may not come, ask yourself this

:: “How can I connect with my partner deeper, not next month/year, but today?”

:: “How can I bring more of my presence, beauty and intelligence into this relationship, and make it absolutely unforgettable for both of us?”

:: “How can I move beyond my fear and bring the best out of both of us?!

S/he might or might not be the right one for you, and you might decide to move on so that you can attract an ideal match. But while you are together, make the most of it. You will never ever regret.

Ours is an age of being connection hungry. Creating wealth and happiness by being a real contributor, and intimacy will takes its place. Boy, you don’t even know how rich you can get.

ps. Here are some in-depth resources you may also enjoy:

How to embody your Divine Feminine Self & cultivate true self-worth

Check out the Inner Child Alchemy Course: Return To Your Original Child & Cultivate Your Innate Self-worth

All my love,

 

Intuitive Guide + Abundance Mentor.

I help you decode the mysteries of your soul + bring abundance to your daily reality.

Want to work with me 1:1 ? Click here for details.