在一个自恋的老板那里工作的那一年教会了我原始的力量, 真实的情感. 虐待他人的人善于操纵他人, 但是利用我的身体智慧, 我终于意识到，我可以做改变而不会像受害者一样. 我希望通过开放, it can serve as a catalyst for you to walk your truth.
Increasingly many of us have concerns and frustrations around not having permission to be who we are, to do what we do. I receive questions around this theme often:
“Yiye, 我真的希望有一个快乐和充实的生活. 我看到这样生活的人非常重视服务. 我希望我能有这种感觉太, 但由于某些原因，我只是没有在时刻，欲望. 我在这里自私吗. 我有很多兴趣爱好，但我不知道该如何服务. 请帮忙。”
“我真的希望有一个快乐和充实的生活, I want to feel that I’m on my purpose. I see people who live life this way emphasise on being of service. 我希望我能有这种感觉太. But for some reason I just don’t have that desire at the moment. 我在这里自私吗?
I’ve read many self-help books, I dabbled in yoga, I eat healthy, but I still feel stuck inside. My life is not dull, and don’t get me wrong, I’m grateful but I can’t pretend that something big is not missing. How did you find your calling? 请帮助。”
I agree that being a service to others is important. 亲自它帮助了我这么多，克服了许多恐惧: 亦即, “不够好”, “您没有做任何新的事情”, “我怎样才能使这项工作?“ 等等…
但说实话, 它不是这样开始的.
并不是那天晚上我以为“嗯, 我将成为一个服务”, 然后第二天早上我醒了– BAM, 我的生意很有意义. 虽然, 这本来不错.
分享我的故事 (只是因为我知道我自己的最好的), 我开始自由职业然后从事创意业务的最初原因与服务甚至对任何事情都充满热情无关。
代替, I was simply walking away from a toxic culture.
例如, 我的前同事N被派出城参加商务会议. 在途中，她接到儿子学校的电话，称他失踪了.
不用说，它是如何可怕，恐慌是对于N, 但她的压力，使其在商务会议反正下!
谢天谢地她儿子最后还好. 但看到她的经历对我有着巨大的影响.
我不相信B.S的“工作与生活”平衡. 主张在许多公司.
My health was always fragile while I was working in the corporate world. 我不是那种盯着屏幕看的人 15 连续几个小时，只有一个三明治和一包薯片 “让你去”.
While I was grateful for the job opportunity, 我不可能把自己的工作一样，在未来 40, 30, 甚至 2 岁月.
我想要一个出路.
It wasn’t easy to make such a step.
“非常感谢”，那时我有一个可怕的老板.
他有很多奇怪的要求, even by corporate standards.
我不得不问他的许可离开工作, EVERY-吓坏-DAY, despite that all tasks were complete, 尽管我已经是一个中产阶级的大屁股女人.
我说的不是下午6点或晚上7点, 大多数时候是晚上9点以后. 甚至当他在和客户吃饭，我完成了我的工作, I still had to wait for him to return to the office and ask if it was OK for me to go home and eat.
我从未被允许与他进行适当的交谈, according to him, I should only take orders from him and nod.
否则, he’d accuse me of being disrespectful. He’d threaten to not give me my share of bonus at the year end – he knew that I needed that fund for my upcoming wedding.
我完全糊涂了. He came across very very differently at the interview – 超级温暖, 尊重和感觉像一个正常的人. Some of his over the top praise of me did jar me, but I ignored my hunch. (虽然回头, 那就是一个具有自恋特质的人将如何运作: 首先引诱你, 然后控制和贬低你.)
我试过绝对一切我可以: 他间接和直接的反馈; 曾与他的老板; 谈到人力资源; 没有任何效果...
我甚至跟他开玩笑说：: “我现在可以去厕所吗?” Hoping that he’d get a hint of his micromanaging. 他没有得到它判断他的回复: “Yes for now.” He truly thought that he was the master for my life and I didn’t know whether to laugh or cry…
一天晚上，我与他意见分歧, because he took credit for my work, and used it to suck up to his boss claiming it was his work. As someone whose mind is deeply and hopelessly rooted by hierarchy only, 他惊呆了，我站起来为自己.
和第一次, 我不介意与他“疏远”或“同情交流” – 我曾经尝试过数千次，但他从来没有欣赏过我的手势或努力.
我离开办公室不管他在对我大吼大叫.
我不想回家要么立即.
我有一种尝试新的舞蹈并摆脱体内所有有毒能量的冲动.
我的直觉带我去了考文特花园的菠萝舞蹈工作室，并参加了我的第一个当代舞蹈课.
关门, 打开音乐, finally I was in a different world and able to breathe a little.
The tune was called “Failure”. Exactly how I felt at that very second:
“我再一次有一个侮辱性的老板, who wants to control me inside and outside of work. 我为什么在面试阶段购买他的学士学位, ignoring my intuition and not seeing through his true colours? Why am I so naïve? 什么是我错了?!”
我感觉自己就像一个大失败不拥有我的生活, 甚至无法决定一些小事情，例如我是否可以离开工作, 我今晚几点可以吃晚饭.
音乐进行了，我放开了. 我让自己跳起来，落在地板上. 我在我的眼中有泪水, 由于缺乏练习，我的膝盖真的很疼. But none of that mattered, as it was my brief moment of freedom – I gave myself permission to express my true feelings.
I didn’t want to “hold it all together” anymore. It didn’t feel like an honour to be a “tough cookie”.
我停止假装“一切正常”，但事实并非如此。.
在清除了我微妙的身体中如此沉重和密集的能量之后, 我对自己进行了反思: “他就是他，我无法改变这一点. But in which ways am I not taking responsibility for my own wellbeing?” 我在想.
首先, 我担心找工作的未知数, I prioritised my fear over my happiness.
其次, 我认为自己是受害者, 我可以简单地离开并切断带有毒性的绳索, 但是我没有.
虽然不多了…
那些时刻变得清晰. 情况需要改变, 和我 可以 做出改变而不会像受害者一样. I wanted a life that supported the integrity of my being, 而不是永久的耐力.
一周后我辞职，休假一段时间后才成为一名自由职业者. 我没有回头.
是的, 经济阴沉. 是的, we were under pressure to save up for our wedding fund and housing deposit.
但是我的幸福更重要.
I did self-employed finance consulting for a year (更好的文化和薪酬) 在我开始做我现在做的事情之前.
然而, 如果我没有让自己表达愤怒, 失望, the shame through dancing and time off back then, 我还是守住这些负面情绪里.
我没有足够的内部空间来迎接“成为服务”的新能量.
如果你想成为一个服务，但如果你不知道, 不要强迫它. 机会是一些个人瘀伤必须首先愈合.
Nowadays we are blessed with the availability of many personal development tools, we are fired up to explore and pursue new ideas, healthy living inspiration and spiritual enlightenment.
然而, 如果不小心, the accessibility can also create an illusion that everything is so easy, which tricks our mind into thinking that we know it all.
Many of us are learning via our head/intellect predominantly, pushing the instinctual and intrinsic Self aside.
Knowing is one thing, doing is another, and being is a whole new different level.
There are negative emotions and symptoms that we do not want to face. But emotions are ingredients of alchemy. Until we acknowledge them, process and/or transform them, our Spirit will not be fully engaged in the transformational process.
这是关于允许自己表达自己的真相的一切.
您有权成为一个神话般的服务, 尽管所有的自我怀疑, 并提供最好的你到世界.
你有权限 不 成为一项服务, 首先满足您的个人需求，又不感到羞愧.
您有权提高自己的价格，让你感觉更有活力和奖励做你的工作.
您有权参加“礼物日”, 那些谁你真的爱和感激放弃你的产品和服务.
您有权有一个火热的开始你的新计划, 雇用一些助手把你的业务提升到一个新的水平.
您有权采取了整整一个星期关闭, 蔬菜在你的沙发上，看一些有趣的电视节目.
您有权说是东西盛大，你一直偷偷的想这样做，只要你能记住.
您有权说不的请求不与你产生共鸣, despite the fact that it might come from an industry leader/”celebrity”…
您有权停止与你的感觉如何争论.
没有人比你可以给你这个权限.
让我们再回到这个问题在一开始.
如果我是你, 我会尝试所有这些利益，你在你的电子邮件中说!
但底线: 我不是你, 亲爱的读者朋友.
什么是你真正想要做的事情? 那么你的心脏引导您就在这一刻?
尊重这个冲动和欲望. 停止战斗吧. 你永远不知道, 按照这种冲动, 什么伤，你是可以治愈的, 或者它可以导致什么创作.
信任, 当时间是正确的, 你的愿望服务, 你的激情和目的，都将前来参观你.
当这个惊人的能量才是最重要的, 记得要抓住它, 骑上它，利用它.
我一直都在看到这种情况……毫无疑问，它也可能也会发生在你身上.
但在此之前，, 千万保重第一.
有爱,
Yiye Zhang 章一叶
PS. 3 点留给 神圣女性贵宾日. If you are looking for a dedicated private mentoring space, I’m happy to guide & 支持. <3
